Master Chefs
by Ally Le Fey
Summary: Angel&Gunn make cookies. Let your imagination run wild with that and then read this, It's really funny! I promise! COMPLETE!
1. Ingredients

Spoilers: From the beginning of Season 5 and on.  
Disclaimer: We do not own anything related to or in Angel.  
Authors Notes: This fanfiction was inspired by our own stupidity and twisted minds.  
Based on: Our own cookie making experience Set in: Season 5 (Assume Cordelia isn't in a coma). Angel and Gunn are house sitting for Cordy, while keeping an eye on Dennis. Wesley had an allergic reaction and ended up in Wolfram&Hart's sick bay, so they're watching Illyria as well. 

"Angel, go grab some beers." Angel sighed and got off the couch then went into the kitchen, Angel opened the refridgerator when some hit him sqaure in the head.  
"Dennis!" He yelled in surprise as he leaned over to pick up the book, He flipped through it out of curiosity.  
"Hey, it's a cook book." Gunn shrugged his shoulders. Angel flipped to the cookie section, remembering his mother's own cooking.  
"Hey, let's make something for Wesley!" Gunn turned and raised his eyebrows skeptically "Make... Something?" He said slowly.  
"You know, to make him feel better." Gunn, Still giving him a skeptical look, got up.  
"Right..." He flipped off the television and headed into the kitchen.  
"Baking." Illyria said watching them from the counter, She seemed almost as skeptical as Gunn.  
"Ooo, cream cheese brownies." Gunn said practically drooling on the page. Angel went over to the refridgerator and found some cream cheese.  
"We need mac...maca...macadamia nuts..." Gunn said looking over the recipe. Illyria, already there, opened the cabinet and looked around.  
"No macadamia nuts." She said glancing at a brown bottle marked "Vanilla" and stuffing it into the back. "It says you can use walnuts too." Gunn said not looking up. She looked for a minute and turned back to him.  
"Negative on the walnuts." Gunn sighed.  
"Well we could just skip the nuts, it's only brownies"  
"I like nuts." Illyria said blankly and Gunn glanced at her slightly scared. She stared back at him unblinkingly and Angel walked over to Gunn and glanced at the recipe.  
"Uh Gunn, 45 minutes preperation time, 1 hour baking, 2 hours to cool and an hour to chill." Gunn flipped to the next page. "Toffee...." Gunn said as if he were in a trance.  
"We don't have any toffee." Illyria said from the counter and Gunn half glared half pouted at her. Angel kept flipping through until he reached some sort of Oatmeal cookie.  
"Here's one, Illyria it calls for walnuts or peanuts." She stared blankly at him.  
"Still no walnuts." He scowled at her.  
"Peanuts?" She sighed and looked back at them.  
"None, Unless you count the ones you two have for brains." Gunn shook his head, ignoring her remark. Thumb tacks flew out of an open drawer and onto the counter to form.  
'Wes is allergic to peanuts' and then quickly flew back into the drawer.  
"Oh..." Gunn said, still not used to the idea of a ghost in the house, he edged away from the knife drawer. "It says you can use chocolate instead of nuts." Angel went over to the cabinet to search for the rest of the ingredients.  
"Gunn, preheat the oven to 375." Gunn walked over to the oven and stared at it for a minute.  
"How do you set this thing?" Angel, head halfway into the cabinet and voice muffled.  
"I dunno how to set Cordy's oven." So Gunn used the process of elimination.

TBC.......

Did you like it? Should we continue? Me and a friend wrote this on January 24th at around 7:30 PM. It took a couple hours to finish and now that my connection is working, I'm posting it! The whole story's done. But you guys aren't getting anymore until we have feed back.

Jewl&Tessa


	2. Cavemen

Spoilers: From the beginning of Season 5 and on.

Disclaimer: We do not own anything related to or in Angel.

Authors Notes: Just want you guys to know that Me&Tessa both wrote this and both of our idea's went into it. Anything in this story is something we both agreed on having. Just wanted you to know that because alot of you seem to think I'm the one who wrote it.

Reviewers: Thanks for your reviews are at the end of this chapter!

20 Minutes later

"HA!" Angel said as he pulled the chocolate out of the cabinet.

"Got it!" Gunn yelled from the stove and Angel glanced over.

"Oh, it works just like mine..." He put the chocolate on the table, not noticing the death glare from Gunn.

"Now... Melt 3 ounces of unsweetened chocolate." Gunn started to put it in the microwave.

"Wait!" Gunn froze.

"It says unsweetened here and semi-sweet there." Angel said staring at the page.

"So?"

"And, it also uses the word combined 4 times in one paragraph..." Angel looked up and down the page and Gunn rolled his eyes and put the chocolate in the microwave.

"Uh... How long?" Angel shrugged.

"Try 20 seconds." Gunn pushed the buttons and went back to the table.

"Now let's start mixing, it says to use the butter first." Gunn started to put it in.

"It says softened butter!" Gunn turned to put it in the microwave.

"The chocolate's still hard." He said poking at it with a spoon.

"Try 1 minute." Gunn set the microwave and then...

'THUD THUD THUD'

"What are you doing!?" Gunn said staring at Angel pound the counter with a stick of wrapped butter.

"Softening the butter."

'THUD'

"That's cavemanish." Gunn shook his head.

"Try sqeezing it." Angel then proceeded to sqeeze the half stick of butter.

"Eeew, Gunn it's sqeezing out on me!" Gunn started to breath on it and Angel followed in suit.

"Angel, your breath is room temperature." Angel grinned looking embarressed and left the butter with Gunn so he could check on the chocolate.

"What is that horrific smell?" Illyria said staring at Angel.

"Uh, we burnt the chocolate." Gunn sniggered and finally managed to get the "softened" butter into the bowl.

5 Minutes Later

"The recipe call's for-"

"Ow!" Gunn yelped from the stove. Angel sighed and turned

"What now?" Gunn shook his hand.

"Angel, don't try to heat chocolate in a mug over the stove." Angel stared at him

"I'll remember that..." He turned back to the recipe

'Clank' He turned back around to find Gunn holding the mug over Cordy's radiator.

"What?" Angel shook his head and went back to the recipe.

"Peanut butter." He opened the cabinet under the sink to find cleaning supplies.

"Uuuh, peanut butter?" A cabinet over his head opened up 'Thud'

"Dennis!" He slammed the peanut butter onto the counter.

"That's-"

"Chocolate's done!" Gunn set it on the counter and Angel stared at it.

"Yeah, It's melted." He said with a tone of surprise.

"You had doubts?" Gunn said deffensively.

"Uh, no, not at all." Gunn started to speak again

"Half a cup of peanut butter!" Gunn shoved the cup into the jar.

"No, don't... You're supposed to knife it in!" Gunn stared at Angel.

"That sentance doesn't even make sense!" Gunn retaliated.

"No, uh, look." He picked up a knife and scraped it across the sides of the jar pulling out... nothing. Gunn smirked.

"Well it doesn't help if the clump stays in there!" Angel scooped out a 'large' chunk and put it into the measuring cup.

"That's gonna take forever, I liked my way better." Gunn picked up the measuring cup and stuffed it into the jar, pulling it out a few seconds later, cup&hand covered in peanut butter.

"Uh, I'll be right back." Gunn set the cup down and went into the bathroom looking at his hands in dismay. He came out a few minutes later to find Angel scrubbing the measuring cup.

"Peanut butter doesn't come off easily." He said and grabbed a dish brush. Gunn rolled his eyes and grabbed the 1 cup measure and filled it halfway with brown sugar.

"There." He said triumphantly and dumped it into the bowl, Angel put the cup down and it floated into the dish washer.

"How to you start the mixer?" Angel said looking it over.

"Flick the lever." Gunn grabbed the egg's.

"Got it." They waited a few minutes and then stopped the machine.

"The butter's still in clumps." Angel said staring at it.

"Yeah, that's thanks to your 'softening' method." Gunn said, trying to pin all of the blame onto Angel.

"Okay, so we just need to scrape the sides of the bowl... You can do that, Gunn, you should be better at this cooking thing than me, I can't taste anything." Angel said, staring at the tanish mixture in the bowl.

"I don't think so, you're the big savior vampire with a soul!" Gunn said quickly.

"No, I'm not. That's Spike, remember?" Angel said bitterly.

"So, you go and call him."

"I am not calling Spike. Especially not for some cookies!" Angel said coldly. Illyria, who up until that point, was watching them, quite amused with their antics, went over and scraped the sides of the bowl. A few minutes later, the chunks were all mixed in. Gunn went over to the refirdgerator and took out a carton of eggs. He held it over the bowl and went to crack the egg into it.

"No!" Angel said quickly, and Gunn stopped and looked at him.

"What? I'm just putting in the eggs!" Gunn said deffensively.

"You can't just crack it into the bowl, you need to crack them into a smaller bowl, so that you don't get any eggshells into the dough." Gunn snorted.

"I'm not going to get little eggshell bits into the dough, alright?" He said staring at Angel, and when Angel didn't answer, Gunn proceeded with cracking the egg.

'Crack'

"Oh, shoot." Gunn said, staring into the bowl.

"What is it?" Angel asked, a small smirk finding it's way onto his face.

"Uh, the eggshell just sort of shattered into the bowl..." Gunn said, slightly embarrased.

TBC.......

Freezyboncoolipants "Could Become"!?!? A funny story??? lol, jk. I'm really busy but I'll try to find time to read some of your stuff. Tessa's not here at this very moment, but I'll see if she's got time to read any of it. Thanks for your review!

Imzadi Not really sure if you like the story, you didn't say so. I've adjusted it, Is it easier to read? If not, then what do you mean?

Gigi13 Big smile Thanks a ton for reveiwing. Really glad you like it.  
Jewl: I loved your latest chapter of SD. I'm not sure if I reviewed it though Blush We'll finish up with this and go check.

Ameliana Yes! Slave Drivers! lol, Please keep reviewing.

DGtek Glad you like it, Sorry the chapter was kinda short. It's not going to be an extreamly long story, So we wanted to make it last. This one's probably gonna end up being the longest chapter.

Squirly4spike (Jewl: I so agree with you)  
Here's more!

Guy's we'd both love to post more up at this very moment, but Jewl's little sister is coming towards us sing "Holly Jolly Christmas". I hope you can bare with us and understand our fear, BYE! 


	3. Disctruction

Authors Notes: MAJOR SNOW DAY AND ITS STILL GOING! If we get another snow day tomorrow I'll update Master Chef's&Love Is Like Music! PROMISE!

10 Minutes later

"Okay, I'm pretty positive that's the last of the eggshell bits." Gunn said, stirring the bowl making sure.  
"Alright then, it's time to pour in the chocolate." Angel grabbed the mug from the counter and went to dump it in.  
"Uh, Angel? Nothing's happening." Gunn said staring at the mug.  
"Uh, you're right, the chocolate's all hardened..." Gunn grimaced.  
"Alright, I'll just put it in the microwave, again." Gunn said, reaching for the mug, but Angel backed away from him, holding the mug tightly.  
"No, I'll do it, you burnt the last chocolate, and there isn't enough left in the box to do more." Angel walked over to the microwave, slid the mug in and started up the microwave as Gunn started putting back the ingredients they had already used.  
"Gah, no! It's burning again!" Angel yelled, hitting the stop button.  
"Oh, now you really blew it!" Gunn said, leaving the cabinet and going over to the microwave.  
"We only have 2 ounces left, and we need 3." Angel said in dismay, looking down at the burning ooze of chocolate in the mug. As he said that, another cabinet opened and a fresh package of unsweetened chocolate came out of it. Gunn breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Thank you, um, Dennis." Angel said a bit nervously. Pencils flew out of the open drawer to form 'HA' in the air, and then flew back in.Gunn quickly went to melting the chocolate on the radiator again. A few minutes later, they successfully poured the chocolate into the bowl. Gunn reached in a finger and pulled out a lump of dough.  
"Hey, you can't do that. It's against the unwritten rules of cooking!" Angel said glaring at Gunn.  
"What do you mean? You're always supposed to taste the dough to make sure that it's being made correctly." Gunn said deffensively.  
"My mother never tasted her food until it was on the table." Angel said crossing his arms.  
"Well, your mother died 200 years ago, I think cooking has changed a bit since then"  
"It's also unsanitary"  
"You're just saying because you can't taste it"  
'Crash'  
Both of them stared at the sugar bag that had just fallen out of the open cabinet and into the cookie dough.  
"Oh, no." Gunn said as he took the bag out of the bowl and looked at the big heap that was still in there.  
"Well, just, try to scoop some of it back out." Angel suggested. Angel did so, and only about 1 cup of extra sugar remained.  
"Um, well, that much left in there can't effect the cookies too much, can it?" Ange asked as he started up the mixer.  
"I sure hope not." Gunn muttered as he went back over to the cookbook to read the next step in the directions.  
"Alright, it now says to pour in as much of the flour as we can fit in the bowl and then stir in the rest..." Gunn said unsure because it seemed strange to him.  
"Right, you do that..." Angel said, going into the bathroom to wash his hands of the sugar he had previously scooped out of the bowl. Angel came back out to find Gunn dumping an entire 5 pound bag of flour into the bowl.  
"What do you think you're doing!" Angel asked after recovering from a quick dose of shock and running over to grab the bag out of Gunn's hand.  
"It says to use all of the remaining flour"  
"Out of the 1 and 1/4 cup that you're supposed to use"  
"Oh..." Gunn said thoughtfully.  
"Yeah, if you aren't sure about something, could you at least ask first before going and doing something stupid"  
"Oh, right, who am I supposed to ask? The vampire that's never cooked anything before in his almost 300 years of existence? Or perhaps the phantom who can't talk, it's not like he could give me wrong directions. Or maybe Illyria, who knows nothing about food, let alone cooking it"  
"Fine, go and pout if you want to." Angel said as he scooped some of the flour back in. Angel then started up the mixer and hoped that too much sugar and flour wouldn't be too bad for the recipe.  
"Alright Angel, you go get a pan ready, and some racks out for the cookies, I'll stay here with the dough"  
"I'm not leaving you alone with the dough again"  
"Oh, come on. The dough can't get any worse, and it's not like I have to add any more stuff to it." Angel left Gunn to the dough reluctantly and started pulling out a tray. Gunn picked up the spoon to scrape the bowl and in doing so noticed an unmelted chunk of chocolate stuck on his spoon, He glanced over at Angel and then back at the chocolate.  
"Oh... One little piece can't effect the dough too much." He muttered and stuffed it deeply into the dough. "Okay, Tray's out... Where are the..." Angel was cut off by two metal racks coming out of the bottom cabinet and landing by the stove. Gunn slowly edged away from the knife drawer again and walked towards the stove. Angel put the cookie's onto the pan "I'm gonna go clean up, You can put them in the oven." He started to wash the dish's when, from the stove, 'SLAM, CLANK, THUD, SPLAT'. Angel whipped around to find Gunn beating the cookie dough with a wooden spoon. He stared for a moment and then recovered.  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" He stared bug eyed at Gunn who continued to beat the dough.  
"Flattening the cookies!" He said, each word emphasized by a slam. Angel gave up and turned around to finish washing the dish's.

HOPE YOU LIKE! SNOW DAY! WOO HOO! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! 


	4. Mating&Fitting

Spoilers: From the beginning of Season 5 and on.  
Disclaimer: We do not own anything related to or in Angel.  
Authors Notes: This fanfiction was inspired by our own stupidity and twisted minds.  
Based on: Our own cookie making experience, er, exagerated a bit.  
Set in: Season 5 (Assume Cordelia isn't in a coma). Angel and Gunn are house sitting for Cordy, while keeping an eye on Dennis. Wesley had an allergic reaction and ended up in Wolfram&Hart's sick bay, so they're watching Illyria as well 

10 Minutes Later

The stove timer went off.  
"Time to get the cookies out!" Gunn hopped up and ran over to the oven, Angel cut infront of him and grabbed the oven mitts. Gunn crossed his arm's and Angel pulled the cookies out of the oven and started putting them on one of the metal racks.

"I get to scoop the cookies out this time." Gunn said grabbing the spoon, Angel went back to the table to make sure the cookies were cooling properly.

"Angel, do you want a large or a medium?" Gunn asked grinning from ear to ear.

"Uh, large." Angel said absently mindedly looking over the instructions.

"Okay!" A few minutes later the oh so familiar 'Thud' came from the oven.

"What are you doing." Angel said not taking his eyes off the fifteenth 'combined' on the page.

"Putting the cookies in the oven..." Gunn quickly started to slam the pan into the oven.

'CRASH' This time Angel noticed.

"What happened?" He got up and headed towards the oven.

"The 'Slam' pan 'Slam' won't fit 'Slam'." Angel stared at the extremely large cookies that were placed a few inch's from each other and then concentrated on the problem at hand.

"What do you mean it won't fit!" Angel grabbed the pan and started to shove it violently into the oven.

"It fits! It just fit!" Gunn grabbed one corner and looked at Angel.

"You're going to break the oven, it's already dented." Angel tried again and now they were ticked off.

"You grab one corner, I'll get the other." They each grabbed a corner and pulled back to shove it into the over, The pan was pulled from their hands. The pan turned itself sideways and then slid carefully into the oven.

"Um..." Angel said staring as the oven door closed.

"I knew that..." Gunn said walking away from the oven and muttering embarressedly.

5 minutes later

"ANGEL THEY'RE MATING!" Angel jumped over the couch and ran into the kitchen, closely followed by an excited Illyria.

"What?" He asked running over to the oven and peering in.

"Move!" Gunn shoved him away from the oven, He grabbed the oven mitt and yanked it open to reveal to very smooshy cookies sliding together in the oven.

"Oh." Angel said calming down, Gunn however wrenched the pan out of the oven and began using the spatula to press the cookies apart and flattening the sides in the process.

"Put them back in, the oven's still running and if worse comes to worse you can just hack them apart." He said and put the cookies back in the oven.

"That sounds painful." Gunn said grimacing at the thought.

"If we can battle a grinshlar demon, we can cut cookies." He put the oven mitt back on the counter.

"But they're mating!" Angel rolled his eyes and the three of them (Gunn, Angel and Illyria) went back into the living room to watch the cooking channel.

"6 minutes later and now we take the cake out of the oven." The television chef demonstrated and set his perfectly shaped cake on the table, Gunn&Angel stared in awe.

"Don't you have to take your cooking out of the oven?" Gunn shook his head.

"Not 'til the timer goes off." He said and continued to watch this cooking master frost the cake.

20 minutes later 'BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP'

"What's that smell?" Illyria said, her face looking confused. Gunn sniffed the air and his eyes went wide, he turned to Angel and they both shouted in unison.

"COOKIES!"

Authors giggle maniacally. Oh how we love to torture them. It is quite fun actually. Please review!


	5. Thief

Spoilers: From the beginning of Season 5 and on.  
Disclaimer: We do not own anything related to or in Angel.  
Authors Notes: This fanfiction was inspired by our own stupidity and twisted minds.  
Based on: Our own cookie making experience, er, exagerated a bit.  
Set in: Season 5 (Assume Cordelia isn't in a coma). Angel and Gunn are house sitting for Cordy, while keeping an eye on Dennis. Wesley had an allergic reaction and ended up in Wolfram&Hart's sick bay, so they're watching Illyria as well

30 Minutes Later

After the fire department left and Angel managed to rescue the remaining cookies, they had decided to go straight to Wolfram&Hart and then take showers, This way anything that happened in the future could be blamed on Wesley. On the way up the stairs to the sick bay they passed Spike, who grabbed one of the cookies and stuffed it in his mouth. Angel muttered something and then they both heard.  
"Blech! What the bloody hell did you two do to these?" He was grimacing and gulped down the rest of his cookie. Gunn and Angel, quite offended, turned around and glared.  
"What are you talking about?" Gunn shouted at the blonde vampire.  
"They taste like unsweetened chocolate!" He yelled back. Angel, quite confused, stared back at him.  
"They have extra sugar in them." He said, remembering the cabinet incident and now considering blaming it on Dennis.  
"Well, good idea throwing them out." Spike said while trying to get over the horrible taste in his mouth.  
"What?" Gunn said in shock and Angel glanced at his arms, his eyes went wide.  
"Gunn..." He said, still staring at the spot where the plate should have been. Gunn was too busy trying to figure out the cookie taste to hear him.  
"Oh! There was that clump of..." Gunn stopped when he said Angel's empty arm's.  
"What'd you do with the cookies?" He looked around on the stairs and they both stared pointedly at Spike.  
"Why would I want them?" He said and stomped off.  
"ILLYRIA!" Angel practically screamed and they both ran towards Wesley's temporary home.

2 Minutes Later

Wesley was sitting up in bed munching on a cookie and smiling warmly at Illyria.  
"These are good, what kind of cookie are they?" He said before taking another bite.  
"I'm not sure." Angel was ready to burst into the room and shout it out when Wesley replied.  
"Well their very good, as long as there aren't any peanuts in them." Gunn ran into the room and Angel grabbed his shoulder.  
"Oh, hello." Wesley said smiling at them.  
"Want a cookie?" Angel shook his head.  
"What is it?" Gunn started to answer and Angel smiled warmly.  
"Get well soon." Angel turned Gunn around and they left the room.  
"Ah...Ah...Ahchooooo!"

Well thats 'The End' I hope you all liked it and want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews. Please review this last chapter with your opinion on the story! thx thx thx so much everyone! 


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